25 is a scary age for just about anyone. 25 represents really stepping into adulthood. Most are done school, are buying a house, or close to it, have a career, are settling down.
25 is just 2 and a half short years away.
If, in 22 and a half years, I'm where I'm at, how am I going to be where I want to be in this short while? It seems impossible.
And then stress kicks in.
On Sex and the City tonight, Miranda mentionned that when you get your own apartment, you're supposed to find love. That's what I get told repeatidly... Except I've been living here close to two years now. So I guess I won't have that kind of luck.
It seems silly, childish, maybe, to want to find love when it is just isn't there. Because, after all, love is supposed to come when you're not looking for it anymore. But it's all around, it's impossible not to look for it. Either it's a beautiful couple, a discusting couple making you wonder how they found love when you haven't yet, a gorgeous boy who won't give you a second look, or a sleazy one who hits on you repeatidly, it's everywhere.
25 is two and a half years away.
But, just like Rachel did in Friends, you start to count, and two and a half years is closer than it seems. Say you want a kid by age 30, well, you'll want to have been married a good two years before. You'll probably want to have a year long engagement before. And you'll want to have been together two years before the engagement....
Giving you two and a half years to find the perfect man.
If I haven't come close to a half decent man in 22 years of existing, how is the perfect one going to come into the picture in this short time?
Some say my expectations are too high. Why would I settle? I'm worth what I want to be worth. I won't settle. Settling for a date, sure. Settling for someone you plan to spend your life with? Are you serious? You're going to end up miserable. No one should settle. No one.
And what are expectations, anyway? Whenever you make a profile of the perfect man - 6'2, dark eyes, dark hair, tattoo sleeve, broad shoulders and preppy-ish looking - you end up falling for the 5'8 blond who wears skate shoes. Love is unpredictable, as it should be. But when real boys don't seem to be worth a second look - you fantasize.
Fantasize about celebrities, athletes, anyone who can hide behind a persona and a PR team to seem as perfect as you want them to be. And then real life people become decieving. The cute boy from the coffee shop doesn't come with a PR team. When he messes up, you see it, you hear about it, whereas that amazing hockey player in Chicago is so unattainable, you only see the positive.
And yes, then expectations become too high. Not unattainable, though. Someone out there fits every criteria. Maybe it is that hockey player in Chicago. Most likely not. But if physically you're so stuck on an ideal, where will you find him? Settling still isn't an option.
25 is the age most interesting men seem to be. Women apparently age faster than men, so it only seems logical. Yet 25 year old men seem to be so far ahead in life, so where I want to be, how would I fit in? I'm not even done university. I don't have a career. I'd feel like I'm being baby-ed, and that is not an option.
Complaining like this is obviously not the answer. It is quite possibly even a turn off to most men who would otherwise give me a second glance.
But at this point, I'm willing to risk it.
There is that one somewhere. He exists.
I don't know how I'll meet him. On the metro, in a bar, at a concert... I'll meet him.
Before I'm 25.